Melanie Preston

At this time three years ago, I was not yet living in Israel for the second time. In fact - I hadn't even visited in 11 years, and the years I had lived here happily had receded into the background...into a place in the attic you forget about, when things in the forefront become too overwhelming for too long - that you simply forget - a time when you had found yourself, and a time when you had been happy.

This will not be a long read. Instead, I want to share the story of one family in an under-five-minute video I made. On Wednesday, October 7th, I will be volunteering at the site where the Nova Music Festival occurred. It is the site where hundreds of young people went to dance and celebrate peace, and where 376 were brutally slaughtered either at the festival, during their attempts to escape, or where they were hunted - hiding anywhere they could find.

I filmed as I walked home on the dark unfamiliar streets with no cars in sight. Doing this actually caused me to walk in completely the wrong direction. When I eventually arrived home, I turned on Kol Nidre, and I broke down in a way I have done many, many times - but for the first time in a long time, and only about my mother. I could feel her presence deeply - and her lack of presence - and I allowed my many questions for her that have burned my soul for more than a decade to take over.